Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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