She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
