He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
