Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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