if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
