Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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