So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
