We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
