Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
