As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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