my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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