just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
