Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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