The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
