You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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