My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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