he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
