Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
