Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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