omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
