You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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