this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
