I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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