I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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