Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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