That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
