Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She's JV to your varsity
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
