I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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