It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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