So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
