party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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