i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
