I have demons in me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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