I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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