I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
