so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
