Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
