I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
