i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
