I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
