dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
