am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
