I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
