Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
