Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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