I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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