There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
