We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
