you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
