her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
