I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
