My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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