A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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