remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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