based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
