So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
