I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
