is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
