I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
People in love make me want to vomit
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
