And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
