so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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