But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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