from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm like, not good at living.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
