I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
