Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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