I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
